Friday, May 25, 2018

My/Your Bad Cancer Ass


There are days when I grow impatient with the grief that cancer brings. Dwelling so heavily in Cancerland takes its toll, and robs us of the need to celebrate. I’m not talking of a superficial hoo-ha Yay to the Pink Sisterhood kind of celebration; I’m remembering to check in on the parts of this body, this life, that are still healthy. Because you know what? There are big parts of this body that can still kick ass. Major ass.  Colossal, massive, Trump Tower ass.

In this spirit, and in the spirit of so many bad ass women and men I know, let us channel some serious badassery. Yours and mine. Shall we?

Things my bad ass can do (and please add yours!):

1. Make bad ass pancakes. With cloudberry jam and whipped cream.
2. EAT said pancakes with my ass all bad in my cheap wannabe Amish-ass chair. 
3. Write a little.
4. Run. Seriously slowly, but whoop there it is. I can still run!
5. Read good-ass books. (As opposed to bad bad-ass books, which are basically just bad.)
6. Make a mean cup of really dark coffee, and savor it. 
7. Look out the window and name a few nice-ass birds, a few butterflies.
8. Complain. Especially about traffic.
9. Avoid cleaning by listening to music, petting the cute-assed cat, straightening a few loose papers.
10. Compose the most badass-mediocre poems, complete with a side of fries.
11. Throw out a few wildflower seeds and lo: a most ass-bad posterior patty melt of random flora. 
12. Forget important things, like my cell phone, or my purse. Spank me!
13. Interrupt my husband in the middle of a long-winded and oft-repeated story that I know the punchline to. It’s not my best moment, but if there’s one requisite for Big Bad Badassery, it’s truth. (Don’t tell it slant.) (Sorry honey.)
14. Seriously shop online, resulting in 1) one unopened badminton set and 2) a feline leash that, upon the first attempt to place it on our cat, resulted in her “disappearance” for several days and her now-severe PTSD around string. 
15. Ability to swallow four large chemotherapy pills in rapid succession!
16. Gargle – badassedly - with salt water. (Helps with the mouth sores.)
17. Lose hair, then look directly into the mirror. 
18. Say to myself:  I am bald. I am a badass. 
19. Sleep. Nap.
20. Imagine full recovery. Imagine seeing my kid graduate from high school.
21. Recite and dance to this video with Peter Dinkler. Space pants!

Because silliness is necessary, and because laughter heals: What, dear reader, are your badass superpowers? What gets you through these crazy days? 

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